Adventures at Planet Fitness

Two-hundred and thirty-one pounds. That’s not right. I should try this again. I reset the scale, sliding the weights all the way to the left and stepped off. I took a deep breath and stepped back on only to see the same result: two-hundred and thirty-one pounds. It makes me wonder if the scale is broken in order to manipulate people into thinking they really need Planet Fitness because that’s about 11 pounds heavier than my scale at home.
No matter. I was still enjoying the place. During the tour, the guide mentioned about, oh, 600 times that Planet Fitness DOES NOT cater to body-builders. The list of rules was quite extensive. Not only do they have normal dress-code rules about what could or could not be worn while exercising, the regulate sounds, too. No grunting, no dropping weights, no cussing, or you will be embarrassed by the “lunk alarm” and possibly have your membership canceled.
I think I like this extremist approach. That way I’m less likely to be laughed at when I go to work out. Unless someone like Bruce Alford happens to be there. He thought it was quite hysterical when I was trying to figure out one of the machines. I assumed it was something you used to work your abs, but as I was demonstrating for Cleshonda, Mr. Alford appeared trying to stifle a laugh. He didn’t do a very good job. Apparently the machine is intended to work out the lower back. Therefore, I was on the machine backwards. Yes, yes, it was quite funny.
After the ab/back machine, we moved to the free-weights. I volunteered to bench press, expecting to undergo more humiliation. I am not a fit person, nor do I believe that I have impressive upper body strength. In fact, I view myself as physically weak person. Mr. Alford proceeded to place the weights on the bar, and I almost hyperventilated: “DEAR GOD, I’m can’t lift that!”
His head moved backward a little, his eyebrows wrinkled and his eyes got bigger and shot back and forth. “What? This isn’t even that much.”
I thought, “So the humiliation will be worse that I thought.”
I said, “Oh, okay. As long as you spot me.”
It wasn’t as heavy as I anticipated. I underestimated myself. That’s good. Maybe I can do this.
Despite the rules and the slight embarrassment, I really liked the place. In fact, I purchased a membership. I have been inspired to get healthy. For ten bucks a month, what do I have to lose? I’ll just stay away from the free-weights just in case.